Is it really him or the loss of my innocence I've been missing so much?

In the true spirit of Wells College, I'm drinking coffee. At 8PM. The package may have changed, and I'm missing two very key people, but it's still like drinking liquid nostalgia. This place has changed so much, and yet everywhere I look, there's a memory. One of Julia's friends was in here last night, and he was telling me all about the Evenline festivities of this year. I told him about Whit being a coach, and he was very excited. He's friends with one of this year's coach's and so he ran down the hall to grab the song book AND Cleo. Meant to take a picture, ladies, but I forgot. Old age has, inevitably, set in.

Also in the true spirit of Wells, I received a parking ticket last night. I'm going to keep it as a memento... it reminds me of the days before my great (and also beneficial) friendship with C. Daloia. Now he's married to one of my greatest friends.

There's a "smoker's table" in the upper leach parking lot; every time we leave, there's a group of kids hanging out there. It's the only "legal" place to smoke on campus... besides the middle of the road. New York State, of course, owns that. I've quit smoking, and I'm glad I did, but I had some of my best times smoking with Whit outside the library in the dead of winter, or on the steps behind Weld. Between Mom and Dad splitting up, and the end of what you could very loosely call my relationship with Ben, there was a lot that happened to me outside of Wells. But this place was, and continues to be, magical. It has an amazing ability to make the outside world feel very far away. It's my best version of an escape, which I think is why I'm so much wanting to come back. I'm at a stalemate in my life; I've let go of Ben, finally, and I think all of that anger was what was getting me through. It made me determined, but it also made me vulnerable, and now that I've healed, I can't wait to take the next step. I'm not sure it will work out. There's a good chance that they won't give me enough money to come back and I'll have to think of something else. But just knowing that I've had the guts to put the ball in motion, assures me that everything will be okay.

So, ladies. I'm raising my coffee cup to you. In solidarity, sisterhood and caffeine, I miss you both so much. I think our next reunion should be under the Sycamore. I'll bring the Dunkin'.

Fresh Start

So. A few of you (you know who you are) have been nagging me to update this. I know, I know... it's been awhile. But I just haven't felt inspired. Day to day, my life is pretty much the same. 98% of the time this works in my favor. As a Taurus, I have a terrible aversion to change, and very much enjoy routine. However. Lately, I've been feeling so restless. I think when Sam and I visited Jules in Ithaca for Halloween something just clicked. I need to do something with my life. I need to try and make something of myself. Dad is working so hard to make his business successful, and Julia's doing really well in school. I think I can finally let go a little bit and do something positive for myself. I hate that it will mean leaving behind the the family, but it's only a few months, and I'm sure that if I don't do it now, I will lose my nerve. I've already been a bit overwhelmed thinking about what it means to be back at Wells. I'm going to be 25. 25! That's crazy. I remember what I thought of the older students back when I was attending and it was neither nice nor positive. I know that's what these "kids" will think of me. I've forgotten how to write a paper, or think intellectually, and I'm quite sure no one will think me wise for my age. I miss it being majority female; I'll be the only one left who remembers.

Hopefully everything works out. I'm getting a bit ahead of myself; I still haven't heard back from financial aid and I'm going to go stalk them tomorrow in an effort to get an answer. I'm worried about not being able to take the classes I need, and I categorically refuse to live with a roommate. But I'm ready to be more focused. I know that this is what I need. Everything that's happened has led to this, so I guess it's my time now. No use taking it for granted.