Unemployment Blues

It's been ten days since my last post... I think that's the longest I've gone without writing since I've started this thing. I decided to write today because maybe I'll get the answers I'm looking for through simple introspection. I went to work on Monday, same as every day, and Herb was in one of his moods. Lately, because the company has been in so much financial trouble and we haven't received any new merchandise since Christmas, we all spend most of our time out at the counter, talking and doing crossword puzzles. When the occasional customer does come in, they usually realize that we still have NorthFace winter coats, and walk right back out. But on Monday Herb didn't want us doing any of that stuff; he said he had a bad feeling about things, and that we needed to make the store look more "shop-able". So I spent all day rearranging racks of jeans, making sure all of our shoe displays were out; stupid, inane tasks, to make him happy.

As luck would have it, I only had to work 5 to 9:30 on Tuesday, so I had big plans to relax with a book all day. Until I received a phone call from Sam, saying that it was over, they had called this morning and we were closing. ON SATURDAY. The assholes gave us four days notice. Then, they refused to announce it to the "public" until yesterday, so we've had people coming in, asking us if we're closing as we box all of our shit up, and we have to tell them no. Everything has changed, I have to close tonight, and when the doors are down, they won't open again. We'll spend Friday with the gates shut, packing up the last of it all, and Saturday we won't open at all. Sam was really upset, but she's been there a long six years, and she's put a lot of heart into that company. Ashlee is in a bad spot as she just moved out of Joey's and got her own place, which she simply cannot afford with one job alone. I've got this issue of debt, which my father graciously paid, but now I've got no way to pay him back. Sam and I, obviously, have to hit the unemployment office on Monday to see what that's about. We both work second jobs, and I know there's a limit on how many hours you can have with that, before they start deducting from the amount of your unemployment. I am looking forward to having about a week off; I only work three days at Hallmark next week, and I'm so used to working 12-hour days that I'm not sure what I'll do with myself.

So here's the big question. Obviously, I can't go on forever without a job. I don't even really want to collect unemployment. It gives me the heebie-jeebies and makes me feel lazy. But I do know how hard it is to find work around here. People who are completely over-qualified are taking minimum wage jobs just to get by. I get that. So I understand that while I may want to work, it may not be possible to find a job right off the bat. But this unemployment business has brought about a whole other mess of questions. Should I finish school? The obvious answer to this seems like yes. However, I'm not sure how much good a degree will do me at this point, when experience seems to matter more than my name on a piece of paper. What do I really want to do? This one seems harder. I can't decide if I want to do what I love, regardless of if I make money at it, or if I'd rather take a job that isn't exactly what I'm looking for, and live a comfortable lifestyle. I think that I could be happy doing a lot of things. It's sort of a square peg-round hole conundrum that can't seemed to be solved with one simple answer. Obviously, me moving out has to be put on hold for awhile, as well as my lofty dream of owning a Kindle by the Fall.

I do know that I miss learning. If I had the disposable income, I would take a class or two right now just to feel as though I'm accomplishing something worthwhile. But my father makes too much money for me to receive financial aid, and I don't make enough to pay for it out of pocket.

Julia and I did decide that it's time for her to have a library card, as I don't forsee being able to spend $60 a week on books anymore. I'm not allowed to have cards, as I've thieved books from every library I've ever been a member of, so she's the obvious solution. I have to work today and tomorrow, long days, but it doesn't seem so bad when I've got an endless amount of time stretching in front of me to, seemingly, do what I want. That's the trouble with time; the things you've put off, you can't ignore anymore. And I've ignored a lot of stuff for a long, long time.

My name is Danielle LaCourse and I'm an unemployed uber-procrastinator. Won't you hire me?