My best friend gave me the best advice. He said, "Each day's a gift and not a given right."

Okay Les, Whit. This is for you. I was actually thinking today about how I wanted to sit down and update, so I guess we're still somewhat telephathically connected. The bond of Dunkin' will never be broken.

I'm still very much (mostly) unemployed, and I'm starting to get used to it. A little too used it, some might say. It's so much harder going into work when I've had three days off in a row. Before, when I was working 12 hour days back to back, I didn't have time to think about anything except how exhausted I was. Now, with all of this time on my hands, I've started an epic list of books I want to read, jobs I want to have, things I want to accomplish before I die. For the last six months, I've become the 60-year-old version of myself, and I don't want to be that anymore. I need to find something to validate the fact that I'm still only 23 years old; I've got a lot of time left to be boring.

I desperately want to move back to Ithaca. Ladies, this means, I believe, that I will be approximately an hour or so away from both of you. Which really works for me, and is pro number 5 on my pro/con list. I don't want to leave my family, but I can't do this anymore. I can wait maybe another year, for the right job/housing situation to present itself, but then I need to get the hell out. Not because it hasn't been wonderful being home. And not because I don't love my family more than anything in the world. But because for the first time since my parents got divorced and Ben and I split up, I need to do something for myself. I'm a completely different person than who I was just a few years ago; why stop now? I've been afraid of so many things for so long, that I really can't remember the last time I challenged myself, or did something that's worthwhile.

Dad and I were talking about happiness the other night, and as I lit my cigarette he told me that perhaps my expectations are too high. I obviously disagree. Firstly, any expectation of mine is certainly not too high; if it's something I deem important, then I'm not going to settle for less. And secondly, I really want very simple things. In the next five years or so I'd like to meet someone who's my equal, get my heart broken, enjoy an adult relationship that's based on more than dishonesty and distrust. I'd like to find a job that challenges me a little, even if it isn't what I always pictured myself doing. I'd like to make enough money so that every paycheck isn't spent the day before the next one arrives. I'd like to rent/buy a small house with a deck and a fenced in yard, so that I can get my Great Dane and name him King. That's it. I really don't think it's too much to ask. And I'm so ready. I've closed the hardest chapter in my life so far and I'm ready to just let it be.

I will title the next one, quite simply: "The Best Years of My Life." You're all invited.