And so it is just like you said it would be. Life goes easy on me...most of the time.

I wake up on a different side of the bed everyday. Somedays, I think my mood is all about how I decide I want it to go. I have a choice; I can think about him or I don't have to, I can look at pictures or I can burn them. I've always believed these things. But lately, I'm thinking more and more that in love, rarely are there choices. Sure, you can try to steer the situation in the direction you want it to go, and you can give it your all, but at the end of it all, you were either meant to love that person or you weren't. I have a magnet for Ben; that much is obvious. I'm a smart girl. I know that were it anyone else, I'd have never let them get away with what he got away with. But love makes you blind to the most obvious truths about life, and I can say with the utmost conviction that if he were to show up today and say "Let's give this one more try", I'm not sure what I'd do.

So, M, this is for you. It's been a long time since we've met in these pages, and talked to each other like old friends. I've had time to think about how I feel and the advice I want to give; not because you need it or even want it, but because it's mine to give, and because I wish someone would have told me what I'm about to tell you.

Forgive. Let it all go, run away, and start over. It seems so simple and yet so hard, and I get it. I do. But you may never find a love like this again and it would be a terrible shame if you ended up like me. I've had the love of my life and it was beautiful and far from perfect... but it was mine and I wouldn't change a thing. But as much as it hurts knowing all of the things that have transpired, I guarantee that it pales in comparison to how it feels to love someone you can't be with. It makes me ache to think about how happy I could've been; it's an ache that doesn't go away easily. I live with it everyday and it consumes me.

I've had a rough couple of years, and I don't think I'm out of line in feeling the way that I do. I'm not sure what I believe in, but I know that you've just got to love. Being angry does nothing but ruin the good moments in your life. Bitterness will seep out of you and create a wall between you and the people you love, and it's just not worth it. Be happy in this moment now; you never know when there might not be one to follow.

I can't give anything else. In truth, I think I've already given more than I was ready to. The price I've paid has been high; then again, when compared to all of the things I've gained, I feel lucky. The sun is shining, I've got a great group of people who love me just the way I am, and my home is happy. I'm honest and loving and sometimes a little stubborn. But I know what I want, and just because I can't have them right now, doesn't mean I won't look back on these days and be grateful.

7 years. Don't they go by in a blink.