My life has been so surreal these last few days. Thank God I've been able to shake it. Sam is on her way with coffee, it's an absolutely beautiful day outside, we're heading to Potsdam for the day to get Julia's hair done, and I don't work until 5. I feel blissful. What a change from the last 72 hours. I was sinking, but once again the universe helped me pick myself back up and I'm feeling better than okay again.
After everything that happened last night, Julia and I remembered the meteor shower, so we went outside and watched. We agreed that next year, we'll remember ahead of time, and plant some lounge chairs on the front yard with coffee and doughnuts. Anyway, it was beautiful. We probably only saw 10 or so in a 45-minute period (due to our inability to focus), but it was so worth it. I felt better when I came back in, and after a good night's sleep, I'm back to normal.
I still haven't decided how I'm going to proceed with this. I know what I told him, and I know what I said... but I can't get rid of the feeling that yet again, I'm running to his rescue after he treats me like crap. The truth is, there was a day or so, in between all of this, where I missed him incredibly. But last night, I was reminded of all of the reasons why I'd stayed away for so long. You can delude yourself into a lot of things for the sake of love; but this is just too big.
So, I'm going to take the day... hell, I might take a couple of days... to really think about how I'm going to do this. If I'm even going to do this.
If nothing else, it's great to be back.
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