I don't blame you for my mother leaving. She left us both.

There it is. The (somewhat) bad idea that came from drinking an entire bottle of wine while waiting for Julia to be done with Prom. It's just a small, classy stud, perfect for me, and I do love it. My one caveat is that because I can't feel it, I keep forgetting it's there. Last night I was tickling Jack and he knocked his head against my nose. EXTREME pain for about ten seconds; my eyes teared up and Gav thought I was crying. When I wash my face, I always drag the washcloth against it, and when I get stressed, I still pinch the bridge of my nose. Normally, I would be happy by how un-obnoxious it actually is, but I seem to cause myself more pain because of it. Oh well. Everything takes some time getting used to.

I think my first summer road trip will be officially planned today. Sarah's birthday is June 10th, so she wants me to come down for the 12th and 13th. I really want to; I have some money saved so I could do some real shopping, and I know that there might not be many opportunities in our future for us to spend some time together. I've never seen her apartment, or how her life is down there, so I'd like to. The only problem is that Sam and I had wanted to get our tattoos done on the 13th; it's the exact halfway point between our birthdays. But I just talked to her, and I think we might push it back to the 27th when I'll be changing my nose ring. June is shaping up to be my most exciting month of the year!

My life has been blissfully uneventful lately, which is just how I like it. I'm a creature of habit and routine, so I like how things have been going lately. Of course, there are some things I could be trying to accomplish (aka finishing school) and maybe I'll look into it a bit more as the year moves forward. I might have another job opportunity presenting itself after January of next year, though, so I'm a bit hesitant to do too much right now if I'll be doing something different in 8 months anyway. I guess we'll see.

I was thinking the other day about where I was at exactly this point last year. I don't really want to talk about it, because it does bring back so many bad feelings for me, but we'll just say I was on the Cape with Ben and things were very different. I remember feeling suffocated, like I couldn't see past him and us and our relationship. When I was spending time with Mom on Saturday I admitted to her that I think the first part of our lives began very much the same; she had me at the age I am now and was certainly stuck. She married her Ben. My dad is very different now, but back then, his personality was very much like how Ben's is now. The only difference in our paths is that she committed and I walked away. Just that slight change between us, I think, has made us who we are. I'm still very angry at her for how things happened, and I don't condone them at all. But I think that I can see things a bit clearer now. How would I feel if I woke up at 46, married to Ben, with two grown kids and a life I wasn't sure I wanted? I'll never have to know. And thank GOD for that. You never like to think about your parents as young, or as people who make mistakes. I know that she loved my father, but love is a tricky thing. I'm just thankful that I have a second chance at the life she never got to live.

So. I think I'm done here for the day. Too much reflection can be a bit unhealthy, I think. Time for coffee and reading, and maybe a walk with the dog before work.

An anectdote before I leave, though: last night while we were at Joe and Jess's for dinner, Gav asked me to peel him a lemon so he could eat it. He LOVES fruit; I always joke around with him that one day he's going to turn into a strawberry, which he takes all too seriously at the age of four. So he's eating the lemon, and his face is all twisted up in the funniest expression because it's so sour. So I say, "Gav... if it's so sour, why do you eat it??" And he looks at me, dead serious and says, "Because it makes you laugh!" I made him give me a hug after that and he ran off to raise hell with his brother. Man, I love those kids to pieces.