Someday you'll wish you were a better man.

Okay. Do I come across as whore-ish to all of you? Apparently some men in close proximity to me think so. Which is the irony to end all ironies because...drumroll please... I've only slept with two people. In my seven years of sexual freedom, I have had two different partners; one of which I dated for six and a half of those years. Give me a break. I don't know if it's something in the water here or if all men are this way, but if I smile at you occasionally or tell you to have a good night after work, it does NOT mean I want to fuck you. If I wanted to, you'd know it. So hop down off of your high horse, and find some girl who doesn't give a shit if you talk about her like that.

I'm probably not done ranting about this but I'll try to keep it to a minimum. And I know that I'm probably not being entirely honest with myself here; I KNOW that I've said some things in coversations with my girlfriends before that were certainly less than PC in regards to men. But my comments are never sexually agressive, or degrading, and usually sound something like, "Mm. That is a juicy looking ass" or "Man, was he yummy." Nothing at all like, "She looks like someone I'd take home and fuck the shit out of." I guess I just need to be more careful about who I'm showing kindness to these days. I'm sort of floundering with how I feel about men lately anyway; Seif was exactly what I needed, I suppose, and yet I wonder if that's how it will always go for me. One night, here and there, to get me through, and that's it. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I wanted a relationship with him. Sarah still thinks I've got some time ahead of me for my heart to heal; but I sort of think about it like this: when my knee finally healed, after 2 years of surgeries and physical therapy, the last think I wanted to do was go out there and take it easy. I wanted to run. I guess I'm just getting ahead of myself here, but I think Seif showed me both the good and bad aspects of my situation. I always thought that I had a pretty good head on my shoulders when it came to men, knowing the ones to trust and the ones not to, but that's been shaken these last few weeks and I'm starting to wonder if really, it's all just a game. They pretend to be kind and sweet, and then, once they get what they want, interest wanes. Then again, as Sarah and I talked about, if he's the guy for you, interest shouldn't be gone just because you sleep with him.

This is why I don't have a boyfriend. It's entirely too exhausting. I can barely handle myself most of the time. How will I ever handle the everyday needs of another? Marilyn Monroe said something a long time ago that has always stuck with me, and I feel like it should be the title in this particular chapter of my life. It goes something like, "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Thanks, MM. You really said it there.

Alright, shower, work with Mary (eek!), then lunch with Garrett and hanging out with Jules. Be careful out there, ladies. Don't be innocently smiling at too many strangers today. They might think you want to sleep with them.