Please, please don't leave me.

Wow. Four days off from writing it probably NOT the best testament to my personality. Especially considering G and I were debating our ability to commit, or lack there of, just yesterday. I had a lovely weekend, again I'll say that if I know and love you you already know the details so I don't have to put them out in the world on here. I'm definitely sad that Sarah is gone, mostly for good now, since Dirck has gone with her and will be living there. I am SUPER happy that she seems to have found her match in him, though, and wish them both the best. The selfish part of me just wants to skip out on all of my responsibilities here and go play house with them for awhile. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and a job in Saratoga will land in my lap. Can't test fate, you know.

I'm feeling a bit weird today which I think is due to several things: 1) I came back and took a nap today after FF, and I hate, hate, hate sleeping during the day. It always makes me groggy. 2) I haven't seen the boys in a week or so, and let's face it, they're my sunshine and happiness. And 3) Sarah left, and I just can't fight this feeling that I'm about to fall back into whatever rut I've been living in for the last six months. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy with my life right now. But I always feel as though I take two steps forward and three steps back, so I'm constantly behind. I want a good job that challenges me and pays well, a lovely little apartment, and a partner to share it all with. I guess I'm not that afraid of commitment, after all.

Today is a long day, and I already want it to be over with. Next week will be a cake-walk compared to the last three; I actually get an entire day off. Seif, where are you on that one? You move, and I finally have some free time. God plays silly little games. Jess came up with a very interesting idea last weekend, as we all sat around the table playing Battle of the Sexes. She thinks, and I strongly agree, that we should institute Friday game nights, where we all pitch in, bring a couple of packs of beer and some food, and hang out all night laughing and trying to figure out the inner goings-on of the male mind. This Friday works out perfectly for me; my best friend is gone and I only work until 4. Count me in.

I did have a bit of an epiphany about my tattoo, which I suppose is great, since it's almost exactly a month away. I always knew the quote I wanted, and I still think I want it on the left part of my ribcage, but now I think there will be an addition to tie it all together a bit. The quote is e.e. cumming's "and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart-i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)" so I'm thinking I'm going to add a star for each one of my family members that are so important to me right now. I'm still toying with the idea of a weeping willow tree, so feel free to send out opinions and such. I'd love to hear them. I might not agree with them, I'll probably hate them, but I'll hear them. :) Unfortunately, there is another quote of his that I've been considering as well, not as a replacement for the other one, but as an idea for tattoo number tres: "and if I sing, you are my voice." Another tribute to my family. Perhaps on my hip? Back of my neck? I obviously have the personality of an addict.

On that note, I'm off to either scrounge up some food or talk Sam into going out to lunch with me. Then work alllll night long. Obviously, I'm excited about that. Thank God I close with Bettina. I love her and her pregnant bitchiness. It keeps me going.